25 Random (Sometimes Silly) Things About Me

1.  According to the Myers-Briggs Personality Test, I am an INTJ—an Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking visionary who is constantly seeking closure in daily activities but doesn’t multi-task well and doesn’t really care because there are plenty of worker bees to do it for me. 

2.  INTJs make up less than 1% of the population and are often misunderstood.

3.  I believe that eating from buffets is extraordinarily disgusting and perhaps the most noxious behavior eagerly and willingly engaged in by people with relatively high IQs. 

4.   I love Stewart “Stewie” Griffin on Family Guy—he is my hero.

5.   I believe my dog, Lulu, is smarter and cleaner than 95% of the population. 

6.  Because I am claustrophobic and cannot bear the thought of being interred in a vault in the ground, I plan on being cremated and having my ashes scattered from Wise Man’s View in Linville, NC when I die.

 

7.  All history is revisionist history. 

8.  Being a Southerner and living in the South is NOT overrated, but we really should have insisted on Border Patrol after the Civil War—our Southern culture has become an endangered way of life having fallen prey to the mass exodus of Yankees heading South once again to plunder and destroy what they have been in search of all along but can’t seem to figure out for themselves.    

9.  I agree with people who think their shoes—Jimmy Choos, their Prada clothing, and their Coach handbags define them—absolutely, they are all shallow idiots. 

10.  Teaching English for fourteen years drove me to the edge of insanity and when I left teaching I jumped in with both feet. 

11.  I am afraid of heights. 

12.  I like to eat Salt and Vinegar potato chips along with a Hershey’s chocolate bar.

13.  I refuse to eat ham because I don’t like the way it feels in my mouth.

14.   I am mosquito bait. 

15.  I believe the leaders of our nation should revisit the ideas and philosophies of our forefathers: “America does not go abroad in search of monsters to destroy. She is the well-wisher to freedom and independence of all. She is the champion and vindicator only of her own.”  John Quincy Adams

16.  My closest friends have told me that they were scared of me until they got to know me. 

17.  My allergist calls me an URN aka Upper Respiratory Nightmare.

18.   I coach and yell and throw fits at the TV when I am watching college basketball.  The Refs are lucky that I am in my recliner at home and not in the stands.

19.   I do not go see movies if I have already read the books because the experience will just piss me off. 

20.  I have always used expletives in acronym form:  KMA, BD² 

21. Peter Paul Rubens is one of my favorite artists. 

22.  I wonder if my friends or even people I don’t know really well would write a collaborative novel with me.   It is not difficult—it is just a stream of consciousness kind of composition. 

23.  The first line of the collaborative novel would read: “Yesterday I thought today would be a good day, but it is not. I don't know whether to laugh or to cry. Laughing would lead to crying because I tend to cry when I laugh too hard for too long, but I also tend to wet my pants, too . . .”

24.  The first line of the collaborative novel is autobiographical.

25.  Jesus loves me because I make him laugh all the time.